(Source: rathood, via itsfucktimebitches)

f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c-p-l-a-n-e-t:

fuck the police if you know what i mean

(Source: orangejazlyn, via wasting-your---time)

My mom told me a “dirty” joke today:

2 pigs fall into the mud. 3 come out.

pizza:

how many times is it appropriate to say ‘what’ before you nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said

(via asylumfordaleks)

foxylikeme:

Condom commercial written and directed by a woman. Condoms don’t need to be sexy, we just need to know that they’ll work! Fucking brilliant.

(via asylumfordaleks)

romulusthread:

MY MATH TEACHER SAW ME TEXTING AND MADE ME STAND IN FRONT OF THE ROOM AND HE TOLD ME TO READ THE TEXTS BUT I WOULNT SO HE TOOK MY PHONE AND READ THE LAST THREE ON THERE OUT LOUD AND THE FIRST ONE WAS “IM HUNGRY” AND MY FRIEND REPLIED WITH “HUNGRY FOR SEMEN” AND I SAID “TRUE THOUGH” IMGONNA JUMP OFF A BUILDING

(via asylumfordaleks)

trapghoul:

the fact that women’s healthcare seems to be a joke among men is sickening. 

lance armstrong loses a testicle and everyone’s like “oh man must have been so hard for him poor guy losing his manhood LIVESTRONG” and angelina jolie gets the jokes after her mother died from cancer and she’s trying to protect herself????

(via asylumfordaleks)

(Source: blueuch, via biofather)

2073:

money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference

(via asylumfordaleks)

yourtubes:

*asks ouija board who unfollowed me*

(via asylumfordaleks)

(Source: the-stresseddepressedwelldressed, via jackassfan711)

(Source: kimberley-jayne, via jackassfan711)

taekoyasuhiro:

friend ?????!?

fr iend!! !!!

im coming friend

im here i love u

(Source: mystia, via asylumfordaleks)

falloutyoungmale:

I write sins not five page research papers

(via asylumfordaleks)

(Source: piecesofmy-imagination, via julianananananananana)